-Nevermind-

Seriously, nevermind (: If you think I'm this kind of person or you tell the whole world about this. Nevermind. I don't care what you say or others' judgement. Because I don't think I have any problems about my personality. I don't think I'm wrong in this event. Honestly, I felt I was innocent. If you all think that I'm the wrong one then I have nothing to say lar. That is your mouth what, i can't stop you or control you. Don't ask me what happened between us. Ask her because I don't know what the problems are. Yea, I couldn't stop my tears and couldn't even fell asleep on the 1st day. But I'm alright now. :D From that day you removed me as your sibling. I know what you want. I have no question on your decision.

I can swear i always treat friends sincerely. I never act in front of you all. Don't like mean don't like. I won't talk to you more. I wouldn't act I like. And I believe everyone will know that. If not now, maybe someday? Nevermind. God knows (: I learn to look on the bright side of things (: 

-Thank everyone who treats me as true friend, supports me, stays by my side, believes me and not judge me. I really really appreciate it. Thank very much. (: -

True Friend?

Seriously, I wanna know it. What's the meaning of true friends? or even best friends? Let's me tell you. This is what i have gone through. True friends will stab your back. They will doubt you, suspect you. Hahahahaha. LOL. Honestly, I always try my best to the best of my ability. I ALWAYS. I always go through fire and water for you. DON'T I??? What do you return to me? You can don't accept it and don't appreciate it but you can't take my sincerity as garbage and throw it on the floor! I have my self-respect okayy. Don't be so arrogant and please care about others' feeling? You may hurt others even a single word but you don't realize. 

I couldn't forget every word you said to me and friends around me. EVER. I never ever think those words will be said out from YOUR mouth. THIS IS WHAT WE CALL? TRUE FRIEND?  Seriously, those words is hurt me so badly, so badly. And this is the 1st time i can't stop my tears. It's really hurt. I never ever think wanna grab any friends from you. I just wanna find a friend who can listen to me since you don't want and don't like listen to me.

Nevermind nevermind. Since i'm this kind of person inside your heart so let it be. Think what you like, say what u like. (: If you think you are always right then okay lar. I got nothing to say about it. Because my conscience is clear.

-STOP-

This few days, I just watched drama and listened to music. The drama was so touching and my tears came to my eyes. LOL. Felt I had the same feeling. BFF? Hah. I had been waiting for your reply for the whole day and night. And i had a feeling that you would not relpy my msg anymore. It proved i was correct. See! You just came and went away according your liking. You are the one who set it up and now you are the one who made it stop. WHY???

There was nothing to do with. So i looked through all your photos again and again. Somehow, I suddenly looked back the conversation between us. Those memories recurred to me. It's so unforgettable and sweet. My fault! Everything was my fault! I just realized I always mentioned her name in front of you. NON STOP.  This  was my biggest mistake I did. Maybe in that time u had fallen for me but it's too late to realize it now. Because you did not like me anymore now. Let it be. I couldn't change this anymore no matter how i tried.

There's something left in my mind. How did you want me to forget every little things you said to me??? How did you want me to forget the way u talked, the way u smiled??? The feeling still so strong. How did you want me to forget everything about you??? Tell me pls! I should try to forget. I know i should. I know those tears must be my last.

Argggggggggg! WTF! STOP IT LAR HON HIEW KENT! YOU THIS IDIOT! USELESS! YOU ALWAYS PROMISE YOURSELF SHOULD LET GO. BUT YOU DIDN'T! NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PAST ANYMORE! STOP THINKING ABOUT THE PAST! DON'T LIE TO YOURSELF ANYMORE! ENOUGH! DON'T LOOK BACK AGAIN, PLS... Give me strength to continue my way, pls... 

- BFF -

Seriously, life seems like a movie. No one knows what is going to happen and when it's going to happen. Everything just out of our expectation. Well, I was like lying in a movie with complicated plots. It's so unbelievable. It happened just like a dream. Hmm. It should be a nightmare. Hah. I never thought we can meet and be bff and also be stranger. I should accept the fact and should not regret because this was the  way which i chose. I had to accept the final outcome myself.

The person who made me hate you is YOU but the person who made me not hate you also YOU. I can't force myself to hate you right now. I really can't. You always give me hope when I wanna let go. You commented said that you felt better because at last i was stronger. And you said nobody hates me. I wonder what's the point you scolded me? I was so contradictory. What's on your mind actually? What's inside your heart actually? Hmm. I couldn't act nothing happened. You seemed to know I still love you and you purposely did it?  Or I thought too much le. Hah. If it's true, I rather you told me the truth than hurt me ): I couldn't withstand it my dear. And I was not strong enough as you thought. I just learned to act stronger in front of you.

I had been waiting for your answer. And now i got it. -BFF- The answer surprised me and of course i felt excited. Somehow, I had an urge to continue loving you. Gosh, how come do I have this thinking. But i know i should let go no matter what. I know I should. I once believed that one day you will come around. I once thought that you still love me. Before I was too persistent, think that the relation was regrettable and I couldn't forget it. But now I have changed my mind. I know what should I want right now. I just want to be close friend with you and stay by your side. And that will be enough for me (: Honestly, I have no regret now. Because i have strove after it, just never get back the same return. I tell myself that I will never love a person desperately anymore. It isn't easy and it's full of pain.

Bff? You are still indifferent to me. I think we need some time to get back like last time.  I don't hope we quarrel over and over again. Hmm. Take your time (:

Our storys end here.

这就是你要的. 好. 我就成全你. 我会从你生命里彻彻底底地消失. 你放心吧.  你不用再浪费时间做那些无为的事伤害我了(: 为什么? 我想知道为什么? 为什么你对我如此残忍. 我做错了什么. 还是我真得那惹你厌. 一次又一次. 不停地在我伤口上洒盐. 我的心不是铁做的. 我也会有感觉得, 我也会受伤的. 够了! 真的够了！当我的心有所改变时,你却再一次的破灭掉. 我没有要求什么.我也不需要什么. 只要默默地在你背后守护着你就已足够. 难道有错吗? 你却好像知道我的用意, 一次又一次的破灭掉. 

你无端端地拿架来吵. 什么意思. 你到底想怎样. 猜想你已经用别人的户口来和我聊天很多次了吧.我白痴！我一直以为自己想太多. 可是你没错, 又是我错. 就是因为爱你, 所以我没关系. 我还可以忍气吞声. 是我不够努力, 还是我不够好. 你还是一样. 我恨自己, 无能为力. 明知道心很伤 很痛,却还逼自己要以笑来带过, 对你强颜微笑. 心里一直想说 没关系 没关系. 白痴！可笑！我假装不在意, 反而痛了我自己.

我宁愿保持以前那样, 不说话也没关系, 就像陌生人也没关系. 可是你却搞到无法转弯的余地. 我一直试着去挽留. 到了这余地, 没可能了. hahaha :D 这是你想要的, 就连朋友都不要,无论我用什么方法去挽留, 结果还是一样. 我没有选择的余地,只好跟着你想要的. 其实昨天我就应该彻彻底底地放下你, 可是却想守护你. 现在不需要了. 你心里也有适当的人选. 你都表明得那么明显了, 都赶我走了, 我还可以死缠烂打吗？

对不起, 我不像别的女人那么体谅你, 我脾气也不好. 从现在起, 我会把对你所有的爱化为恨. 我要恨你恨之入骨. 我会把你从我生命里彻底忘记, 彻底消失, 就连影子都不见. 做不到也得逼自己去实践. 因为这是你想要的.累了 就该停止了. 就当着我们从未相识过, 只是曾经擦肩而过的陌生人. 

忘了谢谢你, 是你让我学会比以前更坚强. 因为你 我有更精彩的人生述说着我的未来 (: 我要你彻底的后悔. 我要证明没有你,我也活得很好, 而且是活得更好. 我相信时间能让我痊愈.


*信女韩晓芹虔心祷告: 希望上帝能赐我力量与勇气 ,好让我能坚强地面对这一切的考验.

Byee!

Finally, exam is over :D HOLIDAYS NOW! I am ready to say goodbye to school and i don't care my marks. Whatever :p yea it's happy for not going to school anymore. But it's also sad because i cant see you anymore ):Today i smiled secretly when i saw you. Hah, you looked happy and i knew you saw me too. I felt calm when i saw your smile. After today, i wonder when i can meet you. No chances lar. I know you are going to move your house after spm.

I got my marks this few days. Sejarah FAIL. It's nothing to me because i always fail it. LOL. Maths. Just can say disappointed though i get A. I made a lot of mistakes that i couldn't make! argg- Never mind. Guess what. I felt guilty when i got my maths paper. It let me think of you. SPM is around the corner. I promised to help you in this subject but i couldn't. Well, i am worried about you. ): 

Today i get my account's marks. From 92 changed to 101. Don't be astonished. HAHA. I did more than two questions. LOL!  From 101 minus til 88.  *padan muka :/

This few days not really in the mood. keep kena ejek :/ Haiz. Whatever. Feel tired so just do whatever u like kayy. Doing good but what did you got back? Mocking words but not a thank you. Never mind. Just get used to it then you will feel better (:  Just smile and i believe any unfortunate things will go away (: I try to learn from it and tell myself it's a test to me perhaps. I hope i have a heart of stone sometimes. Sometimes lar. No feeling!

I'm looking for a job now. Hmm. Ou or pyramid. I have no idea now. I just don't want stay at home and facing in front of the computer for the whole day.What a boring day for me :/ I need money to spend lar. My parents will not always sponsor me for outing obviously. So i need to work and i wanna gain experiences. I ain't small gal gal. HAHA ;D And pls lar, Don't tell me i can't work because i am UNDER 16! I will kill you seriously. :p It's also 1994 lor. What's the difference huh? Nah, just wish me luck ;D thanks and take care. 

Because of youuuuuu.

Guess what? HAHA. I am jealous. The conversation of you both. The way you talking to her is so nice, so soft, so happy. Cant you treat me like others? How come? i'm wondering. I thought that my feeling to you had back to normal. I thought that I could stand it without you. I thought I could live in a better life without you. I thought that I just wanted to know the news of you but not deeply affected my mood by your news.

Why did you comment on my photo? Somehow, It let me think a lot of silly things even though it's just a little comment. *Sigh. How useless I'm. I think was it you wanna talk to me but you not dare? Was it you wish i talk to you once again? I really had no ideas about it. You always keep it inside your heart  without showing out. Could you please let me know or hint me? Actually I always wonder what am i for you and what's my position inside your heart. Is it just a dust? Or I'm not even important to you even though i get away from your life.

I never hate you and i wont. Because i always try my best to fill up those gaps in your life. I thought i could. I  thought i could change your life or even you because of my appearance. But perhaps i was too naive to think that a miracle would happen some day. Or i too overestimated my ability. I know u understand. I know u can feel that my concern for you. 

I told myself i wont get hurt because of you again. But i had unknowingly fallen into once again. Give me less hope so i wont disappointed over again. Eventually, i still cant stop myself from concerning about you. Nah, nothing lar. I accept the fact. Whatever i think is just an assumption of mine. Sorry, i am too perasan.

For you: Oi. How's life? I know u are fine without me. And How's math? study hard. One more month, you are going to sit for spm. Good luck. As usual, i will always be there for you when you need me. (: Take care.

说不出的为什么

此时此刻 我的心里要的是什么 想的又是什么 连我自己都不知道. 我不该去问 更不该去想. 兜兜转转 我们竟然成为最熟悉的陌生人.  这 我从来都没想过 可能我们真的是没有缘份. 也许这都是上天的安排 唯有听天由命. 我们注定不被在一起. 

我没有逼自己去想你. 只是每个地方 每个角落 甚至是照片 你都会自然而然出现在我脑海里. 从来没想过你对我如此重要 从来也不曾想过你会是我心目中的那一位.

不知何时 我们成为了好朋友. 我分享我的点滴 你分享你的过去. 因为知道你来自不美满的家庭 这让我特别的疼爱你. 回忆 很难忘的回忆 你是否还记得？也许那对你来说一点都不重要. 每一刻我都还是深深地刻在我的脑海里.第一次一起出街 一起唱歌 一起喝茶 一起打球 甚至是雨中打球.
*滑冰 第一次握着你的手臂 紧紧地握着 害怕再让你跌到 害怕让你再一次的受伤害. 

*sing k 一起唱华文歌 我们还答应对方下次一起唱那首华文歌. 你应该不记得了咯. 况且也没机会了. 那张歌词还在你身边吗？

我们之间只有两个字可以形容- 复杂.

吵了又和 和了又吵. 问题出在哪 我也想知道. 这问题我对自己问了又问 我也问过你 你却只用一句不知道来回答这复杂的问题. 每一次 我都很努力 很努力地挽回那段友情. 试了一次又一次 无论是被辱骂. 伤了一次又一次 但我不曾放弃过. 因为我知道这一切是靠自己争取 因为我知道我的努力是会有回报的 因为我知道总有一天你会知道我的好. 

等到那一天 我们之间有了变化 有了化学作用. 爱情还没来得及有进展 因为某些原因 你选择回到原点. 你说好朋友比较适合. 

直到现在我对你又是什么 你应该清楚. 是你不知道 还是你选择假装不知道？你 对我是否还有相同感觉 还是我一厢情愿? 我还在等待. 对你死心塌地 因为相信还有一点点可能. 曾经以为会改变什么 原来是我太天真 以为奇迹会发生. 

你真正的人 我到现在还摸不着. 是我不了解 还是你不让我了解？我努力地想要进入你的世界 是你拒绝. 你不停地给我希望 让我自作多情. 我一直认为你对我还有.. 是你选择放弃这段感情. 暗示我 你的另一半不会是我.也许是因为我们是不同世界的人 那也把我们的距离拉得远远的.   

我发现 只有一个人努力付出 那这个爱情永远都不会成立. 我们现在什么都不是 所以我也放弃了这段永远不可能的爱情. 这次真的放了. 没有了你 地球一样在转 秒针也一样在走. 没有说谁没有了谁就活不了的道理. 可是我还对你有期待. 无论是什么时候 都想知道你的消息.
现在我只希望我们能做回好朋友. (是不是缘份已尽 就连朋友都没得做？)
*Rmb: i will always be there for you when you need me <3