-Nevermind-

Seriously, nevermind (: If you think I'm this kind of person or you tell the whole world about this. Nevermind. I don't care what you say or others' judgement. Because I don't think I have any problems about my personality. I don't think I'm wrong in this event. Honestly, I felt I was innocent. If you all think that I'm the wrong one then I have nothing to say lar. That is your mouth what, i can't stop you or control you. Don't ask me what happened between us. Ask her because I don't know what the problems are. Yea, I couldn't stop my tears and couldn't even fell asleep on the 1st day. But I'm alright now. :D From that day you removed me as your sibling. I know what you want. I have no question on your decision.

I can swear i always treat friends sincerely. I never act in front of you all. Don't like mean don't like. I won't talk to you more. I wouldn't act I like. And I believe everyone will know that. If not now, maybe someday? Nevermind. God knows (: I learn to look on the bright side of things (: 

-Thank everyone who treats me as true friend, supports me, stays by my side, believes me and not judge me. I really really appreciate it. Thank very much. (: -

True Friend?

Seriously, I wanna know it. What's the meaning of true friends? or even best friends? Let's me tell you. This is what i have gone through. True friends will stab your back. They will doubt you, suspect you. Hahahahaha. LOL. Honestly, I always try my best to the best of my ability. I ALWAYS. I always go through fire and water for you. DON'T I??? What do you return to me? You can don't accept it and don't appreciate it but you can't take my sincerity as garbage and throw it on the floor! I have my self-respect okayy. Don't be so arrogant and please care about others' feeling? You may hurt others even a single word but you don't realize. 

I couldn't forget every word you said to me and friends around me. EVER. I never ever think those words will be said out from YOUR mouth. THIS IS WHAT WE CALL? TRUE FRIEND?  Seriously, those words is hurt me so badly, so badly. And this is the 1st time i can't stop my tears. It's really hurt. I never ever think wanna grab any friends from you. I just wanna find a friend who can listen to me since you don't want and don't like listen to me.

Nevermind nevermind. Since i'm this kind of person inside your heart so let it be. Think what you like, say what u like. (: If you think you are always right then okay lar. I got nothing to say about it. Because my conscience is clear.

-STOP-

This few days, I just watched drama and listened to music. The drama was so touching and my tears came to my eyes. LOL. Felt I had the same feeling. BFF? Hah. I had been waiting for your reply for the whole day and night. And i had a feeling that you would not relpy my msg anymore. It proved i was correct. See! You just came and went away according your liking. You are the one who set it up and now you are the one who made it stop. WHY???

There was nothing to do with. So i looked through all your photos again and again. Somehow, I suddenly looked back the conversation between us. Those memories recurred to me. It's so unforgettable and sweet. My fault! Everything was my fault! I just realized I always mentioned her name in front of you. NON STOP.  This  was my biggest mistake I did. Maybe in that time u had fallen for me but it's too late to realize it now. Because you did not like me anymore now. Let it be. I couldn't change this anymore no matter how i tried.

There's something left in my mind. How did you want me to forget every little things you said to me??? How did you want me to forget the way u talked, the way u smiled??? The feeling still so strong. How did you want me to forget everything about you??? Tell me pls! I should try to forget. I know i should. I know those tears must be my last.

Argggggggggg! WTF! STOP IT LAR HON HIEW KENT! YOU THIS IDIOT! USELESS! YOU ALWAYS PROMISE YOURSELF SHOULD LET GO. BUT YOU DIDN'T! NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PAST ANYMORE! STOP THINKING ABOUT THE PAST! DON'T LIE TO YOURSELF ANYMORE! ENOUGH! DON'T LOOK BACK AGAIN, PLS... Give me strength to continue my way, pls... 

- BFF -

Seriously, life seems like a movie. No one knows what is going to happen and when it's going to happen. Everything just out of our expectation. Well, I was like lying in a movie with complicated plots. It's so unbelievable. It happened just like a dream. Hmm. It should be a nightmare. Hah. I never thought we can meet and be bff and also be stranger. I should accept the fact and should not regret because this was the  way which i chose. I had to accept the final outcome myself.

The person who made me hate you is YOU but the person who made me not hate you also YOU. I can't force myself to hate you right now. I really can't. You always give me hope when I wanna let go. You commented said that you felt better because at last i was stronger. And you said nobody hates me. I wonder what's the point you scolded me? I was so contradictory. What's on your mind actually? What's inside your heart actually? Hmm. I couldn't act nothing happened. You seemed to know I still love you and you purposely did it?  Or I thought too much le. Hah. If it's true, I rather you told me the truth than hurt me ): I couldn't withstand it my dear. And I was not strong enough as you thought. I just learned to act stronger in front of you.

I had been waiting for your answer. And now i got it. -BFF- The answer surprised me and of course i felt excited. Somehow, I had an urge to continue loving you. Gosh, how come do I have this thinking. But i know i should let go no matter what. I know I should. I once believed that one day you will come around. I once thought that you still love me. Before I was too persistent, think that the relation was regrettable and I couldn't forget it. But now I have changed my mind. I know what should I want right now. I just want to be close friend with you and stay by your side. And that will be enough for me (: Honestly, I have no regret now. Because i have strove after it, just never get back the same return. I tell myself that I will never love a person desperately anymore. It isn't easy and it's full of pain.

Bff? You are still indifferent to me. I think we need some time to get back like last time.  I don't hope we quarrel over and over again. Hmm. Take your time (:

Our storys end here.

这就是你要的. 好. 我就成全你. 我会从你生命里彻彻底底地消失. 你放心吧.  你不用再浪费时间做那些无为的事伤害我了(: 为什么? 我想知道为什么? 为什么你对我如此残忍. 我做错了什么. 还是我真得那惹你厌. 一次又一次. 不停地在我伤口上洒盐. 我的心不是铁做的. 我也会有感觉得, 我也会受伤的. 够了! 真的够了！当我的心有所改变时,你却再一次的破灭掉. 我没有要求什么.我也不需要什么. 只要默默地在你背后守护着你就已足够. 难道有错吗? 你却好像知道我的用意, 一次又一次的破灭掉. 

你无端端地拿架来吵. 什么意思. 你到底想怎样. 猜想你已经用别人的户口来和我聊天很多次了吧.我白痴！我一直以为自己想太多. 可是你没错, 又是我错. 就是因为爱你, 所以我没关系. 我还可以忍气吞声. 是我不够努力, 还是我不够好. 你还是一样. 我恨自己, 无能为力. 明知道心很伤 很痛,却还逼自己要以笑来带过, 对你强颜微笑. 心里一直想说 没关系 没关系. 白痴！可笑！我假装不在意, 反而痛了我自己.

我宁愿保持以前那样, 不说话也没关系, 就像陌生人也没关系. 可是你却搞到无法转弯的余地. 我一直试着去挽留. 到了这余地, 没可能了. hahaha :D 这是你想要的, 就连朋友都不要,无论我用什么方法去挽留, 结果还是一样. 我没有选择的余地,只好跟着你想要的. 其实昨天我就应该彻彻底底地放下你, 可是却想守护你. 现在不需要了. 你心里也有适当的人选. 你都表明得那么明显了, 都赶我走了, 我还可以死缠烂打吗？

对不起, 我不像别的女人那么体谅你, 我脾气也不好. 从现在起, 我会把对你所有的爱化为恨. 我要恨你恨之入骨. 我会把你从我生命里彻底忘记, 彻底消失, 就连影子都不见. 做不到也得逼自己去实践. 因为这是你想要的.累了 就该停止了. 就当着我们从未相识过, 只是曾经擦肩而过的陌生人. 

忘了谢谢你, 是你让我学会比以前更坚强. 因为你 我有更精彩的人生述说着我的未来 (: 我要你彻底的后悔. 我要证明没有你,我也活得很好, 而且是活得更好. 我相信时间能让我痊愈.


*信女韩晓芹虔心祷告: 希望上帝能赐我力量与勇气 ,好让我能坚强地面对这一切的考验.

Byee!

Finally, exam is over :D HOLIDAYS NOW! I am ready to say goodbye to school and i don't care my marks. Whatever :p yea it's happy for not going to school anymore. But it's also sad because i cant see you anymore ):Today i smiled secretly when i saw you. Hah, you looked happy and i knew you saw me too. I felt calm when i saw your smile. After today, i wonder when i can meet you. No chances lar. I know you are going to move your house after spm.

I got my marks this few days. Sejarah FAIL. It's nothing to me because i always fail it. LOL. Maths. Just can say disappointed though i get A. I made a lot of mistakes that i couldn't make! argg- Never mind. Guess what. I felt guilty when i got my maths paper. It let me think of you. SPM is around the corner. I promised to help you in this subject but i couldn't. Well, i am worried about you. ): 

Today i get my account's marks. From 92 changed to 101. Don't be astonished. HAHA. I did more than two questions. LOL!  From 101 minus til 88.  *padan muka :/

This few days not really in the mood. keep kena ejek :/ Haiz. Whatever. Feel tired so just do whatever u like kayy. Doing good but what did you got back? Mocking words but not a thank you. Never mind. Just get used to it then you will feel better (:  Just smile and i believe any unfortunate things will go away (: I try to learn from it and tell myself it's a test to me perhaps. I hope i have a heart of stone sometimes. Sometimes lar. No feeling!

I'm looking for a job now. Hmm. Ou or pyramid. I have no idea now. I just don't want stay at home and facing in front of the computer for the whole day.What a boring day for me :/ I need money to spend lar. My parents will not always sponsor me for outing obviously. So i need to work and i wanna gain experiences. I ain't small gal gal. HAHA ;D And pls lar, Don't tell me i can't work because i am UNDER 16! I will kill you seriously. :p It's also 1994 lor. What's the difference huh? Nah, just wish me luck ;D thanks and take care.